Tuesday, November 4, 2014

I Hate The IRS

Have you ever needed to speak to someone at the IRS? Ever try giving them call? Then you know my frustration.

I had a situation and desperately needed to speak to a representative. After one hour and twenty two minutes on hold, Mr. Wilson (ID number 1000571801) answered! He promptly advised me to call a taxpayer advocate service; he was having a bad day, and hung up on me.

Let me repeat that...After waiting 1 hour and 22 minutes, an IRS representative disconnected me because he was having a bad day.

That would be Mr. I Am An Ass Wipe Wilson, ID number 1000571801.

Actually I'm not sure if Wilson is his first name or last. All he said was ‘Wilson’. Like Cher or Bono. Cher and Bono are fucking rocket scientists compared to the cock sucker known as Wilson of the IRS.

So, I call the taxpayer advocate service 'his royal assness' Wilson so generously word vomited and I wait another 20 minutes to speak to someone. Ms. Abram, ID number 1001677xxx, said that Wilson was wrong. (Whaaattt?) She could not help me and she would put me through to an IRS representative to discuss my problem. I said very clearly, ‘You’ll put me through directly to a person right? I won’t have to wait over an hour to talk to someone…right?’ She said, ‘Oh, it won’t be that long! Maybe ten or fifteen minutes.’

1 hour, 52 minutes and 43 seconds later, I am still on hold...and now I can't hang up. I just have to see how long it takes these fuckers to get to my call. It’s probably been thrown into some infinite loop in the seventh circle of hell. I don’t care. I’ll wait for Beelzebub himself to help me with my issue. I think someone the caliber of ‘Bub’ would enjoy working at such a reputable organization. Of course, with my luck it will be addled eunuch Wilson, ID number 1000571801, screaming wassup and beating off as he hits the disconnect button...again and again and again.

I fucking hate the IRS.

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A writer exercising the writing muscle.