Sunday, March 30, 2014

My March Madness

I took most of the month of March off. I foolishly thought that if I actually relaxed, my funny would kick in and I would start writing posts that are somewhere near the works of genius produced by the writers of 'The Daily Show' or Bill Maher’s 'Real Time' (like their politics or not, you have to admit the writers are quite witty).

The result of my experiment? I’ve gotten more sleep. I’ve gained seven pounds. There are less dust villages under the furniture. It now takes me less than an hour to give my self a pedicure. I hate work more than ever….and I think my funny is broken. Not broken. Smashed into shards. Like a piece of glass, I experience tiny moments of sharp wit, but not enough to piece together into a work of sarcastic mirth.
Any suggestions from my handful of readers?

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I did learn a few things during my hiatus...

Emaciation wins awards.

Congratulations to Matthew McConaughey and Jared Leto on their Academy Award wins earlier this month. Both excellent actors. However, until 'The Dallas Buyers Club', both were missing that one characteristic coveted by those in fashion and Hollywood. Atrophied physical appearance. Think about it. Matthew McConaughey, Jared Leto , Ann Hathaway, Natalie Portman, Christian Bale. All amazing actors. All Oscar-less until they lost enough weight to be hung in a university science lab as an example of the skeletal system. Bravo.

'Conscious Uncoupling' is a load of crap.


Gwyneth Paltrow controlled the news of her marriage breakup by posting about it on her blog 'Goop'. 'Goop' is an insipid blog reflecting her ignorant ideas on how people should eat, shop, play, and how working people have it so much easier than those in Hollywood. The following quotes are taken from the article following her 'please respect our privacy' plea. 'Conscious Uncoupling' is written by Dr. Habib Sadeghi & Dr. Sherry Sami.

  • '...For the vast majority of history, humans lived relatively short lives—and accordingly, they weren’t in relationships with the same person for 25 to 50 years...'
  • '...Our biology and psychology aren’t set up to be with one person for four, five, or six decades...'
Please note that what follows isn't an argument for the institution of 'marriage'. It's an argument for any lifetime partnership that a couple (male/female, male/male, female/female) willingly enters

Is it me or do those quotes sound like excuses? It sounds like an excuse people use to cheat on their partner/spouse. Humans weren't meant to be together forever? If you really believe that then you shouldn't enter that lifetime partnership in the first place. (Congrats to George Clooney for being an old dog who truly knows himself).

My opinion is simple, but all mine: If you and your partner find that you are unhappy and should no longer be together, then it makes sense to make a break. 'Uncouple' away and good luck to you! You both are taking responsibility for the situation, your actions, and maturely working towards changing it.

But if one or both spouses cheat (as it is said Gwyn and Chris did), only to turn around and say 'Oh humans weren't meant to be with the same person forever anyway', then you are an immature cowardly amoeba. The biological and psychological argument is used as an excuse to end something he/she/they wanted out of. It's almost like these people are saying, 'I can't be alone, so you'll do until someone else comes forward'.

It's all just lame bullshit.

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A writer exercising the writing muscle.