Sunday, January 12, 2014

Going With The Flow

I bought two boxes of 36 count tampons at the drug store this morning. The cashier jokingly asked me if I had a lot of daughters at home. I smiled and said, ‘yeah, daughters’.

I don't have any daughters. It's just me and the truth is in 24 hours most of the tampons will be gone.
No I’m not a gangland pseudo doctor that uses tampons to plug bullet holes (tee hee hee…I said ‘plug’), OR a doomsday prepper hording them for water filters, OR a batshit crafter using the applicators to make a wreath (I SO wish I were kidding about this).

I'm going through the process of perimenopause.
As I surfed the web looking for kindred souls who have experienced or are experiencing the same issues that I am…I was shocked to find…very little.
There are so many hot flash, mood swing, night sweat, and insomnia blog posts and news articles, you’d think that's all there is to the whole perimenopause process.
However no one, NO ONE, talks about flow. Heavy unending flow containing surprise hunks of things that look like internal organs plopping out of a body. 
On the website ‘Medline’, I found the blog post of ‘Hold That Pause’ titled 'Heavy, Flooding Periods in Perimenopause'. It was interesting and informative but I'd like more.
I guess I'll have to make an appointment with the box doctor. In the meantime I'll share some of the interesting facts that I've learned concerning menstruation.
Such as:
  • The only mammals that go through menopause are humpback whales, elephants and human females.  As if I didn't feel big enough already.
  • At one time women who complained of menstrual cramps (dysmenorrhea) were sent to psychiatrists because menstrual cramps were seen as a rejection of one’s femininity. Only a man could come up with that.
  • The word 'tampon' is a derivative of the French word 'tapon' which means 'a little plug or stopper' (tee hee hee, I said 'plug' again).
  • Ancient Egyptians used softened papyrus as rudimentary tampons (Ouch).
  • Hippocrates notes that the Greeks used lint wrapped around wood. Wood? Again, OUCH.
  • The modern tampon was invented in 1929 by Dr. Earle Haas. He trademarked the brand name Tampax.
  • Some army medics carry tampons in their kits to use as a bandage or bloody nose stopper (I have too many comments...all of which cross a line).
  • Survivalists can use a tampon to make a bobber to fish with, a wick for an improvised candle, and fire kindling.
  • Walt Disney made a movie for Kotex products called 'The Story of Menstruation' in 1946. It's believed to be the first movie to use the word 'vagina'. Seriously. You can watch it on YouTube.
  • There is an entire website featuring craft ideas using tampons. Go ahead, click the link and pick your jaw off of the floor.
  • The artist Joana Vasconcelos created a chandelier out of tampons. Kind of makes you look at the 'little tool' in a different 'light'...right?
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A writer exercising the writing muscle.