Sunday, October 6, 2013

October Daze

(There were some suggestions for this particular post from the ex-hubs twice removed. I’m sure it will come out of my alimony.)

I love October in the Northeast. The leaves on the trees are changing color and falling. The smell of un-harvested rotting fruit stings the air. People illegally burn carcinogenic yard waste. The weather can be muggy or nippy, but always undependable. And all of the NFL teams are bathed in neon pink.

Pink! I know!

Football shoes, towels, gloves, mouth guards, penalty flags, first down line, Gatorade coolers, and more are an obnoxious, thick, fluorescent pink. You know this color. It’s the one that ‘Barbie’ loves. It’s the color of every piece of little girl's clothing, bedding, dinner ware, and hair accessory. It’s the color of Pepto Bismol.

It’s the signature color of Breast Cancer Awareness month. A worthy cause and well deserving of a month of observance.

However, October is also host to a bevy of other ‘monthly observances’. Some observances are very noble. Such as, Aids Awareness Month, Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Bullying Prevention Month, etc. Some are just looney tunes. As your ear to the ground for banal information, it is my pleasure to bring a few of the crazy observances to your attention.

You are very welcome… (Note: This is a very partial list. There are SO many more. Who knew?)

October is also:
American Cheese Month: Huh? What about ‘American Cheese’ is there that we need to be aware of? Is it ‘endangered’? Does it suffer from disease (other than mold)? Will it cause disease (other than high cholesterol)? Is it under attack by a foreign cheese out to undermine our American way of life? And who exactly decided that American Cheese needs to be observed? I need answers people! On the plus side, the observance signature color can be your choice between white or yellow.

World Blindness Awareness Month: I'm fairly certain that blind folks are already aware that blindness exists. Even though it’s a ‘world’ observance, perhaps the good ol’ state of Iowa needs to pay ‘special’ attention. Iowa recently passed a law allowing the blind to get a gun permit and carry firearms! (ARRRGH…too…many…jokes…not…enough…space!)

World Menopause Month: I don’t know where to begin... Just what women of a certain age need: a month-long reminder of their hot flashes, emotional instability, and assorted other miseries. Really people? Like every damned second, of every shitty day, of every bitching month of the fucking year isn’t enough of an observance?

Home Eye Safety Month: Dude…Do we really need to have ‘Eye Safety’ in the same month as ‘Blindness Awareness’? I mean, isn't that just mocking the blind?

Celebrating The Bilingual Child Month: Perfect: The celebration of a kid who disrespects you in TWO languages. Habla vete a la verga?

National Sarcastic Awareness Month: Alert the media! Oh, yes, what a great thing to celebrate for an entire month. Whoop-de-freakin’ doo!

Self-Promotion Month:  This is a good time to remind everyone reading this to always check out my AMAZING blog - 'Assume I Know Everything'! AND to ‘like’ me on Facebook, AND to ‘follow’ me on Pinterest!

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A writer exercising the writing muscle.