Monday, September 16, 2013

September 19th, International Talk Like A Pirate Day

Avast me hearties! Arrrr, S’tember 19th be 'International Talk Like a Pirate Day'. Aye, ‘n ye best belay yer plans ‘n fill yer pie hole wit’ grog else ye be walkin’ th’ plank! Ye scurvy bastards ov’ a pustulant bilge rat! Savvy?

When my son was but a lad (he’s in his early 20’s now), he came home from school one day with an eye patch and a joke. 

Me: (Trying to keep my voice an octave below panic.) What happened to your eye babe?

Boy: Nuthin’. It’s a toy.

Me: (Feeling the tightness loosen in my chest) Oh, that’s nice.

(I’m sending boxes of tissues and paper towels to school and they send me a heart attack inducing eye patch? Nifty.)

Boy: Mom! Mom! Mom! Mother! Mom!

Me: WHAT??? I mean, yes dear?

Boy: Mom, what kind of socks do pirates wear?

Me: Well dear, I wasn’t aware that pirates wear socks. I think they just shove their feet in their boots.

Boy: MOM! what kind of socks to pirates wear?

Me: (Sigh. Finally catching on that it’s a ‘joke’) I don’t know babe, what kind of socks do pirates wear?


Me: (Rolling my eyes so far back in my head they almost scratch my brain) Wow, that’s funny! Did you learn that in school?

Boy: No. Mom, how much does it cost a pirate to get earrings?

Me: Well I think they only wear one.


Me: Oh, then I don’t know. How much does it cost a pirate to get earrings?

Boy: A Buccaneer!
Our evening conversation went on much like that one. I was surprised he remembered so many jokes. He barely remembered his address. 
I didn’t know there was a ‘Talk Like A Pirate Day’ until then. Who starts these things? I would have bet money that it started out as a stoner joke and took off when a video game playing, acne scarred, pocket protecting, nerd caught wind of it and thought it was cool. (Snort, pushes glasses back on nose.)
I have since come to learn that it was started by two guys (Mark Summers and John Bauer) that really suck at playing racquetball. You can go to their website, and read up on it.
So, how did they come up with the date of September 19th? It happens to be the birthday of Mr. Summers ex-wife. 
Wait. What? 
Was it too much effort to Google Captain Morgan’s birthday, or the anniversary of Blackbeard’s death, or the date that Captain Kidd was executed? 
Really? His ex-wife? 
Geez, he really showed her. ‘I hate you so much that I’m going to make everyone talk like a pirate on the day of your birth!’ Did she have some kind of irrational fear of pirates? Did a pirate steal her candy on Halloween? Did they try some kind of pirate sexual role play that went terribly wrong?
Despite the lame efforts of Mr. Summers to mar the day of his ex-spouses birth, I will still talk like a pirate on the 19th…because it’s fun. Just because someone is a spite filled wing-nut, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have my fun.
By the way, I have learned that October 4th is ‘Vodka Day’. You don’t need poor grammar for this one, just a glass and a bottle of Vodka. 
Drink up me hearties! Yo ho!

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A writer exercising the writing muscle.