Monday, September 30, 2013

Sweat Cycle

I don't like to be wet and I really hate to sweat. If I sweat, then I’ll have to shower and get wet again, only to do something else that will make me sweat. Then I’ll need another shower. 

Do you see the cycle here? Before you know it you’ve spent your whole day wet (sweating and showering)! 

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Careless Whiskers

I have noticed a troubling trend amongst some men…long, biblical, raggedy, scruffy, pubic looking masses of facial hair…also known as a beard. I can only assume that those wacky rubes from ‘Duck Dynasty’ are the inspiration for this hideous style. Fight it men, be brave and fight it! 

I will admit I don’t mind the roguish looking, well manicured, permanent five o’clock shadow. But those endless strands of facial twine rubbing against my body are just unattractive, painful, and honestly grody (eww, I just threw up a little in my mouth).

Friday, September 20, 2013

Obese of My Mind

I’m going to put this out there right now. I’m overweight. Depending on which (or witch) doctor I visit I'm obese, and some say morbidly obese. I’m working on it. 

Don’t get me wrong, you won’t see me headless on the evening news when they show footage of fat people walking around doing the things ‘Normal’s’ do. I tend to hide like a ninja. 

Monday, September 16, 2013

September 19th, International Talk Like A Pirate Day

Avast me hearties! Arrrr, S’tember 19th be 'International Talk Like a Pirate Day'. Aye, ‘n ye best belay yer plans ‘n fill yer pie hole wit’ grog else ye be walkin’ th’ plank! Ye scurvy bastards ov’ a pustulant bilge rat! Savvy?

When my son was but a lad (he’s in his early 20’s now), he came home from school one day with an eye patch and a joke. 

Friday, September 13, 2013

My 'twerk' for Blogger Idol

A friend of mine sent me a link for a writing contest called 'Blogger Idol'.

Me: You're outta your mind. I just started blogging!

Her: It doesn't matter. It's for everyone, even bloggers with no followers.

Me: Hey! I have followers! Okay only six, but they follow the hell out of my blog!

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Invasion of the Thing's Body Snatchers

Whilst scanning the online headlines, I noticed something in the science section that sounded a little familiar. It read something like ‘Researchers have found signs of microbe life pulled from the bottom of an ice-covered lake in Antarctica. Signs of life nearly one hundred thousand years old.

Interesting…haven’t I heard this before?

Monday, September 9, 2013

Being Nice Makes Me Physically Ill

Sunday afternoon I realized I was not well. I had a the master of all migraine headaches. I felt physically wiped out and achy. Actual. Physical. Pain. The whole weekend we had beautiful fall weather. I did enjoy spending a majority of my time outside. Fresh air, getting 'things' done, many dog walks, why was I not feeling well? 

Friday, September 6, 2013

The Male Stupid Gene

I propose an experiment. Take one married/divorced woman from every culture and country. Different languages. Different values. Different religions. Different mind sets all together. 

Now put them all in a conference room or a convention center. On a big screen, a PowerPoint presentation asks them to make a list of the top 10 things that really bother them about their men (male children, husbands, boyfriends).

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Diana Nyad Confession

I have a secret. Please keep my confidence because I'm a little embarrassed about it. I mean everyone else is making such a big deal about it.

It must be just me, right? 

I just don't give a shit that Diana Nyad swam from Cuba to Florida (without a shark cage).

About Me

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A writer exercising the writing muscle.