Friday, August 23, 2013

Nerd By Proxy

Dear friends, I have a confession to make. For a long time, I tried to hide it. With age, I have grown to accept it and finally embrace it.

I…(sniff, sniff. This is so hard)…I have 'nerd' tendencies. (gasp)

No, no, don't try to comfort me! It's all so terribly damned true.

I like comic book hero's (a shirtless Chris Hemsworth/Thor anyone?). I have quite a bit of knowledge about Star Wars (oooo Han Solo) and Star Trek (resistance is futile).
Yes, most of the Star Trek franchise. (Nooooooooooooooo!)  

In my defense, none of this knowledge is in my brain because of me!  It's my brother who is the actual nerd. For his safety and anonymity we will call him 'Boris'.  

Growing up, it was Boris who read a shit load of comic books and books based on comic books.  He had (and still has) a book of blue prints of all of the ships from the TV show Star Trek!! Ships that don't actually fucking exist in reality! Boris still has toys from his youth that he keeps  in the original packaging because they are MIB (for you non-nerds, that means 'mint in box'). 
I know!
Shhhh, I suspect he may understand 'Klingon'. To my deepest horror, back in the day, Boris actually played (O.M.F.G.) Dungeons and Dragons with his nerd friends in high school….IN THE BACK OF A COMIC BOOK STORE!!!  

I was always an exceptional and delightful sister. When we were children I would listen to him go on and on (and on) about the comic books he read and what he thought about them (yawn). I would accompany him to sci-fi keep him company (um, yeah that's why). And something weird happened…all that weird sci-fi bullshit sunk in.  

I'm not responsible for this fucking nerd information being in my head!! I don't even know how to read a comic book! Do you read left to right? Top to bottom? Front to back? They make no fucking sense! Hell, I can't even remember the names of people I went to high school with, why do I remember all this nerd shit?  

Anyway, I am an adult and I am ready to make this horrible confession:   

(Deep breath in) I am slightly a nerd - but it's not by choice.  

(Deep breath out)
I do not know how to speak Klingon. If I were going to speak a fake language it would have to be Minion. It's all fucking gibberish.
I have no idea how to play Dungeons and Dragons, or any nerd game. (Pah-lease!)
Anime? What the fuck is that? What is with the eyes in those things? Fucking scary.
These days, I go to nerd movies with my head held high! I read the whole 'Hunger Games' trilogy. AND I LOVED IT (we will talk about the fact that I am an adult reading a teen series of books some other time.)
I ran to the theaters in nerd orgasmic delight to see Iron Man 3, Star Trek: Into The Darkness and The Wolverine. And yes, Boris was with me!
I'm dying to see Thor 2 this winter. Chris Hemsworth people! Chris. Fucking. Hemsworth.
I'm a nerd, I'm a nerd, I'm a nerd!
He he! Ha ha! Tra la la!
And to anyone who has anything nasty to say about it, I say...fuck 'em.
(NOTE: Do not feel sorry for nerd Boris! He is happily married to a wonderful semi-nerd woman, and they have produced an precious non-nerd child. So, apparently my smarts and adorable demeanor rubbed off on him as well. You're welcome Boris.)

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A writer exercising the writing muscle.